Kimberly Harris Talks SUPERWOMAN. — Super Twin Mom

Trying something a bit different today; I’d like to PROUDLY introduce a GUEST blogger Kimberly Harris to SuperTwinMom.Com !! Kim & I met many years ago: she came into the DC Radio Scene from Houston Radio when I was leaving, but luckily through mutual friends we were able to connect!! Kim is the owner of…

via Kimberly Harris Talks SUPERWOMAN. — Super Twin Mom


Life After Postpartum Depression

A couple of days ago, Facebook sent a memory reminder of a post I wrote a year ago. Just two days before my 35th birthday, I posted about my postpartum depression. I had NO IDEA what kind of responses I would get, but honestly, I didn’t write it for anyone but me. It’s now a year later. Am I still depressed? Most days, no, I don’t think so. Do I still get overwhelmed with balancing motherhood, wife life, myself, and my business? Absolutely. What I have realized in this year is that I won’t let any of that define me. I won’t box myself into a category. Am I where I want to be? No, but there is growth. You grow wiser (hopefully), and things DO get easier (inserts lots of prayer), but of course, it never feels that way when you’re going through it.

I currently have drafts of unfinished blog posts, but this one, I had to finish in one sitting. Receiving blessings, means giving blessings, and testimonies can be just that. You never know what someone is going through, and how your words could help them. There is always this hush hush, oooh, or potentially awkward silence when it comes to postpartum depression, or even just depression in general, when there shouldn’t be. I think every woman (at least every woman I know), has had that self hating moment of am I good enough; pretty enough; can I handle this, etc, but the more we TALK about it, the more acceptable it becomes. Instead of my husband tiptoeing around me because he’s afraid of what “may set me off”, talking about it takes that stigma away. It reminds  me of how people are like, is it that time of the month again?! Never has that question gone well for ANY woman, but that’s the same mentality around postpartum depression. Not asking, what can I do to help you, but instead–let me stay away from you, smh.

Either way, in the words of Ice Cube, today was a good day“, so I was in the
mood to speak my truth. I am in a great place–not where I want to be (does this ever happen?!), but living in the moment with a wonderful support tribe, and always working on a better me. I plan to get better with my postings so say a prayer for me on that lol! Thanks to my friend Jaime, for telling me to write it down–all. the. time, lmao! But I appreciate her for it, so I write–they just go unfinished (working progress). Patting myself on the back today, for ACTUALLY completing this thought ;).

Here was the original post (because even the one I posted on social media, had to be cut down), and someone else might need this today:

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We Are Just Ordinary People…But My Child Went Viral

(Originally written on July 7th, 2017)

Ok. So let’s talk about this. Never ever did I think, our child would be a meme or viral on all social media platforms. But alas, Jackson is now apparently, a “John baby”…Thanks Chrissy! We hardly post pics of him–me more than my husband, and then one I post as a joke, goes VIRAL. Bish WHEEEET?! I’ll back it up some. Jasper, my husband, has been getting teased by his friends, since college that he looked like John Legend.

Jasper JL

We went to Italy for our one-year anniversary and people kept asking him if he was John Legend…news flash** He’s 6’4″…John is not…

Fast forward to 2016. We are blessed with a BEAUTIFUL baby boy. Jackson Jacob. Jackson looks just like his father…well, seeing how his father apparently resembles John, there is no surprise, that people ask us, “Has anyone told you, your son”–& I can always finish the sentence–“looks like John Legend”. Yes, they have. ALL. THE. TIME. So leading up to his first birthday, I decided to post a humorous TBT of my son. Eudoxie comments, Eniko Hart likes it, and then it starts to blow up. By morning, he had 4k likes on just my page, and two reposts. It hit 10k likes before noon. I had never gotten more than 500 likes on a picture, therefore didn’t expect ANY of this at all.

Jackson IG pic 2Jackson IG

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The Surrogate Husband

        Mama’s boys. You have either dated or married one, or have a friend that has married one. Some convert & grow out of it…and some do not…but they did not make themselves mama’s boys…their mothers did! It is becoming more & more common for women to make their son “the man of the house”. “I don’t need a man, I have my son.” Your son is NOT your husband. I have a few friends that are single moms, raising sons & I think they do a great job of saying what their sons will & will not do, & making sure that their sons know, that they are not equal & not friends, but can still understand how to treat a girl/woman. If only more women took on that thought process. As a woman, not only is it a turn off to other men to see that, but imagine your son dating…
        You would think that it teaches men on how to be husbands, but it does far more harm than good. The surrogate husband syndrome creates an unhealthy, co-dependent kind of relationship, which can cause a man to be incapable of having a mature, healthy relationship; & yet, you end up dating this man. He didn’t have to answer to his mom because he was the “MAN” so why would he ever answer to you? He has been handicapped by his mother, & usually lacks responsibility. He feels his mom will fall apart if he so much as moves to another zip code, or has to call her for advice on every little thing. Anything you suggest, hold on–let me call my mom. If the man that you are dating does not know how to say no to his mother, that’s a problem. If he lets his mom say whatever to you, that’s a problem, however, you can not, & I repeat, you can not change that man! He has to recognize it & want to change it for himself.
        There is hope! A recovering mama’s boy knows when to shut his mom off. He knows when his mom is becoming overwhelming to you & if he does not know it, he does not get up upset when you tell him that she is a little overbearing. Even if they have attended “mama’s boys anonymous” they WILL sometimes slip. You will have to learn to pick your battles–with her & him. It is rare that you should ever have to check his mom…that his for him to do. If he is an only child, that hold of letting go of “her baby” because another woman is in his life, may take some time, & again, you will have to pick your battles. If she hasn’t cut the string & more than likely, he is not reaching for the scissors, than you will have to coax him into setting boundaries. The deliverance of this, however, is crucial. You can’t catch an attitude, or belittle him, or flip out…this will lead to him shutting down on you. A mama’s boy will also always say that he is NOT a mama’s boy, so to constantly say this, would be an insult to him, hence instead, chuckle inside, & proceed with caution! Although you want to be the first lady in his life, you don’t want him to think he has to choose…so then, you marry him…first, make sure you always have wine on deck, & second, the best thing you could ever do to correct this vicious cycle, is when you have a son, don’t become your worse enemy!

Welcome to my intro!

Welcome to the intro to my blog…my thoughts are not those of an angry black woman, but of a successful, sensible, happy woman…enjoy & I look forward to your feedback !

Over the years, I am sure you have heard your mom and/or grandma say one or all of these sayings:
A way to a man’s heart is through his stomach…Be a lady in the street & a freak in the bedroom…Always wear matching panties, because you never know who may see them…Romance without finance is a nuisance…
But are we actually listening to this?

Maybe…maybe to get the man, but what about to keep him, & if you keep him, what about keeping him at HOME??
Men are considerably less complex than we are, however quite intuitive, hence they can usually see right through the surface. Back in the day, it actually worked for women to go to college to find their husband, with the ultimate goal of being a house wife. Today, not so much. Even watching the movie “The Help”, the scene were Skeeter goes to dinner on a blind date, & her date is being an ass, because he thinks she is just there to get her husband, & to become a trophy wife, is a great example of the fact that even in the 1960s, men can see straight through women. Their guard is practically always up, & whether right or wrong, they are always assuming that women have an ulterior motive. It shows when you genuinely want to do things, which is hugely important. You have to be genuine, which is why Basketball wives is a prime example of how not being genuine can turn out…divorced or just a baby mama… This is men in general…

Now on to the BLACK MAN….
Black men are clowns…& if you can relate to that, then STOP DATING THE CLOWNS & get a successful black man…this is definitely not to say that there aren’t any successful black man that are clowns, but since you know the signs, steer away quickly. Either way, statistically, black men have far more options than black women.If you want to have, keep, & maintain a relationship with a “successful black man”, you have to first recognize they have PLENTY MORE options. I’m sure as you may know & already experienced, they think they are a hot commodity…well in essence, they kind of are, so IF you want one, act like it. Yes, you are gorgeous, sexy, fine, & have a job, but what else? You have to bring more to the table than just your good looks (i.e. good credit!!!!)…too many of us think that being cute & sexy is, & should be enough…well, sweetie, it is not. Black men already half way think chivalry is dead, and we are allowing it, by not bringing more to the table…A recent article in The Wall Street Journal stated that nearly 70% of black women are unmarried & 3 out of 10 college grads have never married by age 40 versus less than half of their white women counterparts. Black men are less likely to marry in general vs their white counterparts, & because black men have more racial options, they are now less likely to marry us!

We are already statistically less desirable from men in other races, so we can date outside our race but it is clearly easier for a black man. Perhaps, instead of hating the white woman that got the successful black handsome man, we could learn how to emulate the things that they may do different from us…maybe the only difference is that they actually listened when their mom/grandma spoke the phrases I mentioned earlier, (which I will expand on individually in future blogs) because the caviar to that is that black men don’t care about the race, as long as their needs are met, & would honestly prefer to have those needs met, with a woman that would understand them the most…a black woman.

Back to the simplicity of men. Sex. Food. Nuisance. They want sex, not just sex but good sex with “extra benefits” (at minimum-a bj), on a full stomach (not on ramen noodles) & to not have a headache caused by you (running your mouth too d*mn much). In turn, a chivalrous successful black man, at home, with you…